This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
