I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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