Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
