it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
