I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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