The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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