dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
