after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
