i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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