One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
