I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
