filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
