I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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