This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
