Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
