Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
