sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
