i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What drink are we having for lunch?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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