literally had 100 drinks last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I came so hard my ears popped.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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