i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
