if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
