you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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