it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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