Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
