it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
