Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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