Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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