i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
