I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
