Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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