is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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