you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
