someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
