i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
