a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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