everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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