Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
