I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I checked into jail on foursquare
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
