We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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