My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
