I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
