you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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