my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
