I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
