Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
