Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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