the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
