At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
