bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
