I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize