Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
