every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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