this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
