I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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