What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize