I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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