Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
