she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
