yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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