Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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