i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
