If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
