your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
