That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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