nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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