Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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